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Jesus said unto him, "If thou canst believe, all things are possible to him that believeth". Mark 9:23
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trusting again
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  New!
APR-30-05
  9:58:25
Forum: Serious Discussion for Christian Singles
  betayal
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Submitted Anonymously

  I agree, we need to be so careful of who we give our hearts too. I was in a relationship for 5 1/2 years to learn he was on these sites looking for other women and putting on false profiles, and not being honest with himself, , after meeting women he would charm them and make them believe he was ready to settle down and be married he would tell them he was an honest man, a one women man, that he was nice looking and in good shape and had his own business he worked hard at, and has his own house in the country some of which was true, that he loves to travel. but he was only out for one thing.... he decieved me and I trusted in him fully and loved him till I caught him, he was on all these sites meeting and telling women the same. it would seem that he spends all his time comunicating with just you, meeting just you and wanting to marry just you. I believed and got hurt, and now I'm in recovery also wondering if I will ever heal from this. so please be carfull of who you give your heart to he may be out there charming you.
Broken Heart
  New!
APR-23-05
  15:18:31
Forum: Serious Discussion for Christian Singles
  RE: Trusting Again
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Submitted Anonymously

  Did he sign all his emails like this?

--------------- email --------------
[Greeting and body of his email here.]

dp
--------------- end email --------------

("dp" is the way he signed every email.)

If he did, then I know who you are talking about. Ladies - stay away from anyone who seems to be leading you on and signs his emails that way. He stalks innocent women all over the internet on various Christian dating sights, and emotionally bilks them for all they are worth. (He never got a red cent out of me, so I don't know about money.) I was one of his hapless emotional victims, unfortunately.

In any case, having been through that, I can tell you that, in time, you will get over the pain this guy dumped into your lap. It may take years though. For me, it took five years. In fact, just this last week, I realized for the first time that I couldn't care less about that jerk - I'm truly over him. Yet, I'm still dealing with trust issues, even now.

My theory goes like this:

The right man will be ok with the fact that you have trust issues, because he'll understand what your ex put you through. He won't lose patience with you, but instead will never stop loving you. He will gain your trust by being real with you, honest with you, and proving himself trustworthy over the years of courtship that he will pursue with you. He will put all his cards on the table, and allow you to double-check his story without being upset about it. He won't -insist- that you trust him, but will allow you to discover for yourself that you can trust him.

Until such a man comes alone and proves himself, take my advice - never decide to trust anyone again. Ever. Just go on with your life as if no one else matters but you and God, and if anyone decides to come along for the ride, then so be it, but don't ever depend on them emotionally for anything - not until you know you can depend on them (after several years of their proving themselves as being worthy of your trust).

That's really the only way out of a situation such as yours and mine.

All other "advice" given by people who haven't been through it is hollow and devoid of understanding, even if they make it sound "holy." Only listen to those who've been through it, and who've come out on the other side as more experienced people for it.
  New!
MAR-11-05
  14:0:25
Forum: Serious Discussion for Christian Singles
  RE: trusting again
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Submitted Anonymously

  Most all the posts are from women. Men definitely get hurt, and hurt deeply making it hard to love and trust completely again.
Trust? Where do I begin. First, we must learn to trust in God. There are varying degrees of trust also. Once one has been hurt badly, the grace of God and time heals all, but we must be willing.
I often wondered if I would ever be able to totally abandon myself to love and trust another woman again after being so utterly betrayed by my ex. I always believed that marriage was till death do us part.
We men, so often feel that we must be macho, never show our feelings, cry, or be weak. I was utterly destroyed when my X abandoned my daughter and me for good.
Finally, after being divorced, I found out that I had loved, trusted with all my being, leaving myself totally spent.
Coming to grips with my situation, after grieving for a long time, I turned my devotion upon my daughter who is now 14.
My daughter and I have always been very close. Now, we love, trust each other more, along with our Lord and Savior "Jesus Christ".
Imagine how God feels when we abandon him...., yet he allows us to live, trust, and love again. I know now that I can love and trust as deeply as ever, maybe more so because of my experience.

Thank you God for healing my broken heart and spirit!!
  New!
MAR-9-05
  18:52:41
Forum: Serious Discussion for Christian Singles
  Trusting Again
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Christian Singles Dating  Trusting  Again - justalady
justalady
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Female
51-60
  The best advice I have ever received on a topic like this came from none other than a precious woman from this site whom most of knew as Song.
She told me sis, when getting into any relationship go through all the seasons with them.
In the spring everthing is knew and fresh,the birds sings, everthing is anew and in bloom.
Then summer comes and it is heated, full of flowers, sunshine and nothing but fun. We all love the summer but summers always has an ending in due season also. Then comes the fall, the new has worn off and things become real. You see each other for who you really are. Little things that once were fresh and cute seems, at times to get on your nerves.
Then there is the winter, if you make it through the winter with them then you know you have a good trusting relationship because spring will come again, it always does.
To me this was the best advice I have ever received and I try to remember it. Song told me not to mistake spring for a year long season. Good advice I think.
And always trust your insticts. But first always listen to that still small voice in your heart. Most usually it is the Holy Spirt, listen to it. Above all before anything PRAY.
  New!
MAR-8-05
  18:7:23
Forum: Serious Discussion for Christian Singles
  RE: trusting again
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Submitted Anonymously

  Hi...I've been there in the worst way. My boyfriend was killed...and at the time he was with his girfriend (not me). He was on the way to take her home and to come see me and he was killed. She was with him. I never new about her until then. Now I find out about all the others. He always told me he would never cheat. And I don't have anyone to get the answers. Especially since all our "friends" new about all of them. It has taken me 3 years to start trusting again. And it is still so hard.....but I put my trust in God and I try to understand the lesson he taught me so it won't happen again. Good Luck....my heart is with you and you will be in my prayers. Dana :)
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