How open should we be?


Posted	Subject	Photo	Author

New! SEP-20-04 14:53:46	Forum: Christian Singles Member Surveys RE: How open should we be? Reply to Topic		Submitted Anonymously
	Ten years ago I was outgoing and happy go lucky. No major baggage, just a carry on. Then I got an STD. Along with it came depression and anxiety. Social activities and dating became painful. I have come a long way, to look at me you wouldn't guess the baggage I carry. I've wrestled over the years about knowing "when to tell". Depression since it's in the past is not sooo hard to talk about, but telling someone, (especially someone who has always lived in a sheltered bubble of perfection), that I'm diseased is a very daunting task. I wait until getting close enough and knowing, YES, I am interested, and that there is no next step in developing a relationship unless the person is aware of my history. Then he can decide for himself if he is ok with it. It helps my esteem that I have never been rejected for those reasons, but I know I could be someday. With dating in general, most men do not get that close to my heart, so it saves me from exposing myself to people who it wouldn't make a difference to anyway. There is no point, even though I may feel like a leper from time to time, to act like a leper, going down the street calling to the masses...unclean...unclean. btw, don't forget the gifts you gain that come with troubles...

New! SEP-1-04 10:22:34	Forum: Christian Singles Member Surveys RE: How open should we be? Reply to Topic		Submitted Anonymously
	This is an important topic and I am glad for the discussion. It is difficult to land on one "side" or the other---we ALL want honesty---all Christians should strive for it. However, revealing the most intimate issues in one's life (STDs, prior infidelity, depression, obsessive compulsive disease, etc.)to be viewed by any and everyone prior to as much as a "smile", seems extreme. My own thoughts are this can make one vulnerable to those who would take advantage wittingly or unwittingly of the information (see GodsChild1975's comments). My preference would be to wait until you have emailed several times and it looks like it is "going somewhere" before disclosing very intimate details. At the age of 60, I have learned the hard way that not everyone (Christian or not) deserves my trust. My personal goal for a relationship is to be very open, and to let my "real" personality shine through in my profile. This honesty should carry over into future contacts. However, it is a sign of maturity to "hold back" (again, I've learned the hard way) the details that belong in only an intimate relationship. Another factor to be considered is that people often overlook someone because of their own "criteria". Age, height, weight, amount of hair, etc. are superficial at best. God should lead. He should judge. As so many have said prior to me, each of us is wounded in some way because of sin, and we should prayerfully consider each potential "candidate" and ask God for guidance. Identify and acknowledge your prejudices in your search so as not to miss a great friendship, or the one He has chosen for you. Honesty is the best policy---a little at a time when it comes to the most private issues---until the person has earned your trust. May we listen to our Father as we pursue our dreams!

New! AUG-28-04 23:49:31	Forum: Christian Singles Member Surveys RE: How open should we be? Reply to Topic		Submitted Anonymously
	Honesty is extremely important for a relationship to grow. However, disclosing a disability, whatever it is can attract people who prey on those who are vulnerable or appear to be so. I have a friend who openly disclosed her disability, gets no responses from other members and inadvertantly attracted an individual who purposefully sought vulnerable individuals over whom he could assert absolute control. The situation became a matter of life and death and without the intervention of trusted friends would have resulted in death. This person claimed to be a christian and knew exactly what words to use to convince my friend that he was sincere. There are all types of people in all walks of life. Be very cautious of disclosing facts that could potentially put you in harms way. Just because someone from a christian site contacts you does not necessarily mean that they are not a predator.

New! AUG-28-04 1:18:54	Forum: Christian Singles Member Surveys RE: How open should we be? Reply to Topic		Submitted Anonymously Female 31-40
	I think that a measure of honesty is required. Truth is that everyone has something that s/he has trouble coming clean about. While many times it may yield a "may God bless you in your search" type of response, as someone else has commented, it is best and fair that people know such things. I also think that more of the users should be more sensative to the fact that they are not themselves perfect and that the whole idea of online searching from a Christian perspective should be prayerfully done, rather than on pure whim and/or even racial preference, for that matter (that in itself is another story). Definitely, it is not best to say nothing at all, especially if your trauma was/is significant. It would not be fair to you or your (perspective) contact. But in all, let God help you decide how much of that part of yourself you would want to/should put out there in such a matter. God bless.

New! AUG-28-04 1:18:49	Forum: Christian Singles Member Surveys RE: How open should we be? Reply to Topic		Submitted Anonymously Female 31-40
	I think that a measure of honesty is required. Truth is that everyone has something that s/he has trouble coming clean about. While many times it may yield a "may God bless you in your search" type of response, as someone else has commented, it is best and fair that people know such things. I also think that more of the users should be more sensative to the fact that they are not themselves perfect and that the whole idea of online searching from a Christian perspective should be prayerfully done, rather than on pure whim and/or even racial preference, for that matter (that in itself is another story). Definitely, it is not best to say nothing at all, especially if your trauma was/is significant. It would not be fair to you or your (perspective) contact. But in all, let God help you decide how much of that part of yourself you would want to/should put out there in such a matter. God bless.

Search Results 1 - 5 of 24 total results | Page 1 of 5 - 1 2 3 4 5 >>

Copyright (c) 1993-2008 Nannette Thacker, Shining Star Services LLC ChristianSinglesDating.com
Free Trial! Chat, Photos, Search, Christian values, 2-way match, love.
Christian Singles|Christian Pen Pals|Christian Marriage|Christian Dating|Christian Chat|Personals Ads